Monday, July 14, 2014

Pissy Alley tax?

Tax tax and more tax, these days it is very taxing pun man and womankind and de Municipal Solid waste tax is just another creative angle pun how to raise more taxes and pull money outa people pockets while we stabilise de economy, let it not be said dat dis Vendor did not play he part so today i gine offer Chris some new ideas on how to be creative in raising taxes.
Off Broad street is an alley known as Pissy Alley, don't ask why, because it pissy, dat is why, people piss there morning noon night and in between and now de Environmental department gine be checking out people pissing in Bridgetown and bring them before de courts! Now wunnah gine do these things after all dese years, i never knew we had a law that could give yuh three months in jail or a fine of $5000.00! How come we don't implement these things?
 Don't tie up de court system anymore, let us introduce a pissing tax and use de money raised from pissing in public to build public facilities and staff them, i willing to pay a pissing tax,  don't wee wee pun my idea!
Introduce a number two tax, make politicians who talk a lot of number two eligible to pay de number two tax, dat should raise a few million and reduce some oral number two!
Next will be a cursing tax, mek every bajan pay a cursing tax,we does curse too much and before wunnah could holler Market dat is bare rasshole i believe we could raise a few millions fuh de fellas to spend pun bare number two,which would lead to more cursing and more taxes!
Remember the idea is to raise taxes and do so efficiently and creatively.
Next is de wuckup or Bush hill tax, all vehicles driving through Bush hill or de Garrison after seven P.M. and before 5a.m should be ticketed and should settle de matters in 7 days, more cash flow for government.
De Bushy park tax will allow Bushy Park Racing Circuit Inc to let people to bring in de coolers and refund some money to de food franchise operators,win win, de crowds gine come and sponsors gine be happy.
Next is de miracle tax, all preachers who claiming to have cured HIV and other deceases like Benny Hinn must pay a miracle tax, at least 25 per cent of all offering collected at  the miracle services.
This is followed by de 6.30 tax which gine apply to all who does do de 6.30 dance and  all crop over revellers, dis tax gine pay fuh Cropover. Yuh see when we get creative how much money we could raise, tax every shite bout here,but let we be creative.Abolish land tax cause soon nobody gine be able to afford land so tek away dat tax but bring some new and exciting ones.
And if all dem taxes don't do de job introduce a percolating tax, old people gine be exempt unless them want to percolate also, this way you could raise billions as de population raise other things,like den blood pressure, de percolating tax will catch everyone though we would allow exemptions for persons who want to object on the grounds that they do not percolate! And who among we gine claim not to percolate, priests? In fact yuh could forget all de other taxes and just go wid de percolation tax, dat way government finances would reach a climax and we would at least feel dat we getting lil pleasure from the experience and not screwed by government!
I market Vendor gone fuh now,you have a blessed and a wonderful day,yuh hear?


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