Friday, July 4, 2014

The day Yasser went shopping at Carters

A dog's name should say something about de personality of de dog, nuh sense looking at a 150 pound Rottweiler and calling he fluffy or a six foot tall great dane and name it sprinkles, no, a dog should have a name dat reflect something bout de dog.Years ago, staying at my brother Boo Hinkson's house he had some bad ass dogs and all of the names were names of some fairly notorious characters pun de world stage. One Doberman (Bajans note please it is NOT a Doverman, there is no such breed,so far as i know and none called Alleystation, it is an German Shepherd) was named Idi and like he namesake had a terrible reputation and was feared by all comers.Another i remember was Yasser and he controlled not just the West bank of the property but the east south and north as well!
For a while i felt comfortable coming and going but always had an eye on dem two in particular, one night Boo's band TrueTones was playing at a play called the Vale and pun arrival Boo realise he had forgotten an amplifier, de Vendor offered to return and collect it and soon i was driving up the entrance and parking in the garage, suddenly there was Yasser and Idi, fangs bearing, snarling ominously around the car, dis Vendor not getting out tonight, so i sat and relaxed until they too relaxed and soon i saw them disappear down towards the main gate, about 100 years away.This was my moment, my chance to exit the car and slip into the kitchen door.there was a narrow passage between the garage and the kitchen door and as i put the key into the door, i heard a low guttural sound that sent urgent messages to my groin area and to my rear end! it was an oh shite moment, too late to go back, only chance was to make it through de door before Idi could lunge! Slowing turning de key, i unlocked de door and before you could holler "bite he" de Vendor was through with Idi pun de outside trying to bite down de door.
i get de Amp, place it by de door and went out pun de patio, tonight my brother gine have to do widout dat piece of equipment.Bout 45 minutes later, drink in hand pun de patin looking across from Sunny Acres to de ocean, chilling, de dogs down by de gates snarling at a passer by, now in my chance, quickly de amp went into de back seat and i was away! When i get to de Vale, hear Boo, garçon, i say you run off de road, two hours you gone mate!
I tell he two brass bowls bout dem dogs he got and de man laughing at me whole night!
i tek my cue from Boo and in time i too had a massive 150 pound Bull Mastif called Yasser, today i gine tell wunnah bout Yasser,next time bout Lewinsky, Buddy Chavez and Gaddafi.
 Yasser was a brown(Bajan fun light skin) magnificent beast, wonderful with children and family but woe to de man dat cross my gates uninvited.
One saturday morning i had a delivery from Ryan Hurley people at Carters hardware store, when de truck arrived Yasser was lying on the ground, tethered to a 30 foot heavy duty chain, he never moved and so i invited de delivery men to bring the lumber off de truck.Not me skipper, not wid dah big dog, day dog look turrble, i frighten to get bite, nonsense i said to de men, de dog tied, wunnah safe! Mankind accept my assurance and started off loading de lumber shoulder to shoulder de men loaded several lengths of pine and started to walk with the lumber when suddenly, Yasser, all 150 pounds of beast,stands up and de driver holler, "dah chain not connected to de dog, de dog loose!"
You know de definition of fear and pandemonium? Fear is de realisation that yuh life in peril and there is one one narrow window of opportunity for escape and yuh got milliseconds to seize it, pandemonium is when two Carters delivery men start to run with several lengths of lumber on their shoulders with a 150 pound Bull Mastif, who bypass he owner like a ZR avoiding de Police, in pursuit, reasling yuh not gine mek it de truck, dumping de lumber,nearly tripping up in same lumber and scaling onto de flatbed of de truck wid de beast in hot pursuit!
This dog was trained but dat morning he forget de training and just wanted to sample some Carters hardware! It tek a while to cease and settle and only when i locked de beast away did de men return to recover the lumber!
Sadly after 13 beautiful years 150 pounds of pure joy had become an old man,weak and sick and demented,eventually on the advice of his trusted Vet Gus Reader we said a tearful goodbye and put him to rest!
I have now retired the name Yasser for all time,there will never be another like him,for me!Some of his offspring are around,Seon Defreitas and Harry Roberts each got two!
I Market Vendor gone fun now,you have a blessed and a wonderful day yuh hear!


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