Thursday, September 11, 2014

ELEVATOR NEWS

Once upon a time mankind could travel overseas, do all kinds of things and whenever yuh return as de old saying goes, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, not today, today what happens in Vegas does end up pun TMZ before you even reach de boarding gate fuh de flight home.
Gone are de good ole days when what happens overseas stays overseas and if elevators could talk bejese de stories dem could tell! Fuh years i never know elevators had cameras and don't lie and tell me wunnah did always know!
 Many a fella would wait till de elevator door close and he alone in there and start digging he nose like he mining fuh treasure or squeeze a pimple or scratch he crotch vigorously and of course you and i know you could hardly wait fuh de elevator door to open and de last person leave, as de door shut yuh release some gas that could bring down Nelson statue, don't lie, tell me dat ain't true!
Back in de day at Abercromby street in P.O.S a certain fella use to work at NBS610 radio and pun weekends de government building where de station was, hardly had anybody in it and de lady fans use to come and visit pun weekends and i could only tell yuh dat somehow dat old elevator use to stick between floors regular for many minutes religiously every saturday morning! It was a strange thing, because nobody ever press de emergency bell and after a few minutes, de elevator would start again and two people would emerge on the appointed floor and exit! Dat fella lived a charmed life and i wondering now iffing back then they had cameras in de elevators,  if so de guards must have enjoyed viewing saturday mornings, ah wonder if dem had recording devices back then!
Once in London i get upgrade to a fancy hotel, plenty of what de Americans does call A-rabs staying there, my room on  high floor, on entering de lift four young A-rab women and me alone in de elevator, dem covered from head to toe in black cloth like dem mooring , only eyes peeping out, i thought it was a holdup,anyway dem speaking Arabic and giggling, when we reach de bottom floor and exit, dem in one taxi  and i right behind and suddenly i could see them looking back while tekking off all de black clothing in de taxi, as fate would have it, we all exit pun Oxford street, de elevator girls had turned into beautiful sexy chicks,ready to tek London by storm!
Miami, back in de days of shopping in Hialeah, 103rd St, Park Plaza was de place to stay, one night i heading out and as de elevator door open fuh me, i see two well know Bajans, who at home were attached to different partners, attached in a Boston stranglehold to each other, i pause and when i say hello, hello, see scatteration and incoherence, ah ah ah ah good good night ah ah Market! here yuh boy, actually i forgot something in my room i gine wait fuh de next elevator! Dat night iffing i did have TMZ number i coulda get a piece of change!
And dat was not my only encounter in an elevator wid people i knew and who knew me but didn't expect to see me in de elevator! 
Look at de story wid JayZ and he sister in law, dem did seem civil enough outside but once de elevator door close, it was breaking news as my girl unleash some blows Kung Fu fighting style pun de big man who could only utter uh huh, uh huh, yeah!
Now another big breaking news story wid de NFL player Ray Rice, de Elevator News Network show he and de then girlfriend, now wife,(a topic fuh another time) walking into de elevator but show he dragging out an unconscious girlfriend when he exit de floor, in de old days yuh woulda wonder if she pass out, if de elevator move too quickly and she get "light headed" of course we know thanks to Elevator News Network dat she was light headed and unconscious but from a right cross to she face by Ray Rice.Thanks to Elevator News Network we know the facts but some technology upgrades are needed, we need some microphones so we can also hear what going on! Mr Rice get he just deserts and got fired from de Ravens!
All now people in high places sweating,thinking back bout when dem do it in an elevator, hit men worried dat de deals cut in elevators could get out, wives and husbands paying big money to Elevator News Network,"get de brass bowl tapes yuh hear" and security guards all over de place looking to buy a big house pun de hill from de big payday, politicians must shaking in dem boots, cause suppose de elevators got in not only cameras but hidden mics? 
Suppose Elevator News Network open in de Caribbean, in Bubbadus, imagine what might get reveal?We might finally get some answers to the Gems that is Bubbadus! Dis Vendor tekking de stairs from now on, outa wind by de time i get to de top but my business not mekking it to Elevator News Network!
I Market Vendor gone fuh now, you have a blessed and a wonderful day,yuh hear?

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