Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Herb Pun De Hill

There was a time when I could be guaranteed to find an envelope pun my desk, wid VIP tickets and parking passes fuh Reggae pun De Hill and all de other Reggae Festival shows but dese past two years things brown, no envelope, no tickets, no parking pass,
actually nuh desk either, de Vendor like he fall from graces, when I enquire from my friend Freddie he tell me dat my envelope did get send to some place pun River road leading de Vendor to wonder if my package went floating down by de riverside!
As soon as we solve dis latest crime wave, put some vagabonds behind bars, stabilize de economy, solve de environmental problems facing de school system, implement Owen’s prescription fuh de economy, get a meeting between Fruendel and Sir Hilary, I gine ask de acting Commissioner of Police to find my envelope and contents!
Not to worry a lovely Jamaican lass at Digicel, I not gine mention which one cause deh got two pretty, pretty ones up there in Warrens invite de Vendor and madam to come to de hill pun Sunday gone and in VIP to boot!
De food did sweet, drinks flowing and de music was wicked, security? Nuh loopholes, tight as a bank loan, de ladies come to play, in de thousands, from de Remy hair pun de head, de eyebrows, nail extensions, oufits fuh de catwalk and shoes dat could brek yuh neck if yuh ever slip or slide, it was a sunday like no other at Reggae pun de Hill.
As you know there gine always be some spoilers in de crowd and reading tuesday news papers and de amount of charges and guilty pleas coming out of de show it sound like it was Herb Pun De Hill! One fella get ketch wid 165 grams of weed, explaining to de magistrate dat he did it to get money for his children’s mothers( plural)! Maybe if he had wrap up willie instead of herb he might have seen de concert rather than de court!
Another fella say he unemployed but yet he had herb and ticket fuh $120! A passport to de show! Among de many dat get caught was one who hide de herb in a Becotide inhaler, he must have needed to clear de sinuses!
Ah not sure if it is true but de word is dat de ladies does store de herb in feminine tampons and carry de guns fuh de men in their handbags, dis place got a different vibe! And smell! From de time I enter I was pun a higher high!
Two lesbians tell de madam how sweet she look while in de ladies room and then ask she if she had any coke, “yes but I drink all before coming in here” she reply! If it did me I woulda ask dem if dey meant kilo or litre!
Bubbadus going through economic problems, money tight, unemployment high, people suffering, fuh true? Tell dat to de 12,000 plus people dat tek over Farley hill or de thousands more dat was at Reggae pun de Beach or Vintage Reggae, de shows burst, a friend say Market, Bridgetown sell out dis week, thanks to FAS entertainment!
I never see so many people in VIP in my life, thousands at $300 a ticket, money was not tight fuh Reggae pun De Hill,  maybe child support gine be late, rent overdue, de fridge  empty and de lights shut off but nothing but nothing was gine stop Bubbajans from gine to dis show, including Market Vendor!
I Market vendor gone fuh now, you have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?


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